One If By Land

Progressive political commentary, analysis, and opinion. Showing no mercy to Republicans or Democrats, conservatives or liberals. "A great democracy must be progressive or it will soon cease to be a great democracy." Theodore Roosevelt

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Final Presidential Debate Preview, Let's Sue Ann Coulter, Michael Moore's Underwear

One If By Land
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Here is my prediction for how the final presidential debate will go. Dubya will be absolutely brilliant. He'll be more articulate than ever before, and Kerry will be taken aback by Dubya's lucid, logical presentation. Then the transmitter sending Dubya's lines to the hidden receiver will interfere with Dick Cheney's pacemaker, killing him and leaving Dubya speechless (in order words, he'll be struck even dumber). This will be a landmark event in American history, as it will mark the first time in which the death of a vice president has forced a president to take command of the nation. Dubya will then mumble, shriek, whine and scream his way out of a job.
The republican party of Michigan is actually pushing for the arrest of Michael Moore for bribing voters with free, clean underwear. Mike, look at those guys. If anyone needs clean undies, its got to be Karl Rove. Just swallow your pride, give the bad guys some fruit-of-the-looms and let bygones be bygones.
Actually though, this gives me an idea. That shrill, pasty wench Ann Coulter has another "book" coming out. Now, as I recall, in one of her recent books I believe Ann Coulter called all liberals "traitors". As it happens, the definition of treason in the constitution is very clear- you have to either levy war against the United States or adhere to her enemies, giving them aid and comfort. Now unlike the soon to be deceased due to a pacemaker accident during the debate Dick Cheney who set up Iran, Iraq, Myanmar and Libya with hundreds of millions of dollars in violation of U.S. sanctions, neither I nor any liberal I've ever met have done either of those two things. The definition of libel is also pretty, clear and I think Ann has crossed it. So I'm looking for a bunch of liberals who have never committed treason (just about all of us) to file a class action libel suit against Ann Coulter with me. Any takers, please contact me via this blog ASAP. I'm also looking for some right wing stud who isn't- A) compensating for sexual inadequacies by identifying with a strong fascist ideology; B) fat, old, and impotent C) a sexually repressed fundamentalist christian; D) an utter dork E) held back by good taste when it comes to the ladies F) one of those hypocritical right wing closet homosexuals- to shut her the hell up by giving her what she obviously needs. Any takers? Didn't think so.


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