One If By Land

Progressive political commentary, analysis, and opinion. Showing no mercy to Republicans or Democrats, conservatives or liberals. "A great democracy must be progressive or it will soon cease to be a great democracy." Theodore Roosevelt

Thursday, October 07, 2004

The Vice Presidential Debate and Other News

One If By Land
The Vice-Presidential Debate and other News

Sorry, I'm still working on getting the main site together, so this blog won't exactly be the magnum opus I'll be remembered for after I'm gone, but I'll give a quick run down of the VP debate and other news.
What I love about this debate was the behind the scenes wrangling. After watching W's 'put me on the short bus back to Texas' performance in the first debate, you just had to wonder why his handlers agreed to stick him in three debates. It makes about as much sensse as Mike Tyson's 8 fight comeback deal, but in Tyson's case even though we know he's in for an ass whipping every time, we also know that A) he used to be great and B) he needs the money. But why let the people get a good, hard look at the real W two times more than they really had to?
The answer is that in exchange for agreeing to three debates, they won the following concession from the Kerry-Edwards camp: the VP candidates got to sit down. I don't believe the bit about trying to throw off John Edwards 'trial lawyer pacing around the courtroom style'. How much of a difference could standing behind a podium make in the strength of his arguments? No, the fact is, Cheney's pacemaker can handle a full on, snarling, (seated) attack, or; it can handle standing up for an hour. He just ain't got the heart to do both. So after sheltering poor W for the last four years, Dick Traitor hung George 'EvilSped' Bush out to dry- 3 times. Apparently, even Karl 'HillBilly Hitler' Rove had to acquiesce in this one.
Edwards started by telling Cheney that he, like his daughter, was not being straight with the country. OK, so he had too much class to say it that way, but I have to admit as much as I like John Edwards that whole 'Cheney loves his gay daughter' bit was a little too awkward and contrived. Then again, that's probably what he was going for, since it left DWI Dick feeling awkward, and reminded all of those fundamentalist nutcases (who I think are the only males left in America who actually don't like lesbians at this point- screwy religion, that) that their hero, yes, indeed, hasn't ostraciszed his daughter for being gay. Chalk up a few votes for Pat Buchanan (is he running again?). Nice going, John! To be honest though I find it hard to believe that Dick loves another human being at all, with the possible exception of W and the folks at Halliburton (and in the case of W at least, human is stretching things a bit).
Cheney continued the tried and true, just keep lyin' and denyin' strategy that's gotten him this far, but this time the press actually bothered to fact check him a little bit afterwards- those terrorist lovin' communists. Of course, they only called him on the whole 'I never met John Edwards before tonight' bit. That was a lie, but not as serious as some of the lies they let slip; its also not as serious as W's classic 'I hardly know Ken Lay at all' whopper from the days when Enron still made news. Speaking of fact checks, the old man got confused with, and accidently sent anyone who bothered to obey his commands to a site run by George Soros with the headline 'Why You Should Vote Against Bush'. Dick, stop drinking before your debates.
In other news, someone shot up a bush campaign headquarters, no casualties inflicted. Oneifbyland officially condemns this ineffectual act of violence. Next time, aim buddy! Use a bigger gun!
Finally, scientist have proven that fundamentalist christians are right when they claim that they are not descended from the apes. Apparently, although most people are descended from apes, evangelicals are a bit further back in the evolutionary chain. You see, as it happens, the apes are descended from them. So technically, they are right.
Sorry if this blog isn't quite up to literary specs, but then I've got my day job to worry about. After all, we can't all be like W, seven months vacation, a guy like Dirty Dick to do your thinking for you- born with a silver spoon in his mouth and a gold spoon up his nose!
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